My clients often ask me: How do I get out of a bad mood? Why do I get so angry so easily? Actually, the question is more often: How can I change my partner's moods? How do I get him out of his bad moods? How do I get her out of her bad moods? How can I live with someone who is so angry, so often? The problem with those questions is that it's looking in the wrong the direction for relief. I'll explain what I mean by that.

People, humanity as a whole in fact, have come to think their experience is coming from outside themselves - from their partner, for example. What they don't realize is that all experiences always, without exception, come from their own thinking.

Think about it!

If the other person (partner, child, friend, boss, employee, etc.) is in a bad mood and you are not around to witness it, will it bother you? No, of course not - you wouldn't even know it was happening so how can that bother you? You'd have to be clairvoyant for that to happen! What does that simple (some might call it simplistic) fact tell us? It tells us that we're looking through the wrong end of the telescope (so to speak). Now we know to turn the telescope around to look within ourselves, since that is where it's all happening! Bad moods begin within ourselves as the result of what's on our mind. We FEEL our own THINKING. That's all we can ever feel, no matter what.

I was fortunate to have had a very wise teacher who would tell his students - "Look within." When I first heard this I thought - how do I do that??? Like a smart-ass I'd think, am I supposed to look through my belly button?

Look within

Thankfully, I became curious enough to listen quietly and then, over time, I saw the absolute brilliance of those simple words - Look Within. I learned that there are basic principles at work, within every one of us, always creating our human experiences. Like the principle of gravity, we can depend upon that fact of life. The principles of Mind, Thought and Consciousness cause us to experience our lives which most of us have considered to be "Reality" - as in real - as in truth - as in everyone experiences the same thing and we always experience the same feelings about things - but we know that is not true. We've all experienced being upset with a partner one day and the next day it seems so trivial to us or we can't even recall what upset us so much. More proof that it all goes on within US. Hence, blaming anything outside our own mind is not only a waste of time, it can be harmful. Harmful to our relationships and even harmful to our own health since blame leads to anger and anxiety when we discover we can’t change what’s going on within another person. So let’s have a look within ourselves…

In a bad mood?

Consider this:

Moods are not so mysterious after-all. If you notice when a low mood hits you, it might be the time of day that you are tired or hungry, often at the end of what you would call a difficult day. But if you look closer (look within) you'll see that you are feeling your thinking! Low moods are nothing more than low quality thoughts, i.e. 'what a difficult day this has been' or 'why does he always push my buttons,' or 'I'm so hungry and there's nothing I want in the refrigerator,' etc.

So was the day difficult or was it your thoughts about your day that was difficult? A difficult day to you might be an exciting, energizing day to someone else. But, please don't take my word for it...look within your own mind to see how it works. You will find out that it works the same for everyone. Mind, Thought and Consciousness work together to give us a reality, albeit a personal reality that is separate from everyone else's reality. Everyone lives in their own reality bubble, so to speak - given the personal thinking that is on their mind at the time. 

If you want to change your partner's moods, you're looking in the wrong direction - we can not change anything that goes on within the mind of another person - but their mind will naturally change, just like your mind changes when you become interested in something other than what was bothering you a moment ago. It's natural, it's automatic. Seasons change, weather changes, tides change and minds change. We are part of nature.

If you want to upgrade your own mood, quit taking your thoughts so seriously. One of the most interesting facts I ever learned from the time I spent attending lectures by Sydney Banks (who you can now listen to in the comfort of your own living room) was that if I didn't take my thoughts so seriously, they would pass quicker. If I didn't hold on to them, scrutinize them, take them to heart, think of ways to fix something or someone, my bad moods passed and a whole new thought, often a lot more positive, would come to mind... all quite naturally!

So, the good news is that you, your partner, your boss, your children will all get out of a bad mood when their thinking changes naturally - the only thing you can do to help is to not make a big deal about it. It is just a mood and moods are always temporary. When you see it as no big deal - guess what happens? They pass quicker! Look within yourself to see what I'm pointing to.

I'd love to hear from you and what you THINK, in the comment box below.