First some truths about how life works for humans:

Since we experience life according to how we think, it's a good idea to question what we think, none of it is engraved in stone.

This means that we're not stuck with how we think/feel because we can choose whether to believe in it, or not; We can choose not to act on every "important" thought.

What does being emotionally intelligent mean?

• The ability to understand you live in a thought-created reality

• Whatever you are thinking you are feeling

• Life comes through you from the way you think about people…. dating….. situations, your divorce…your relationship breakups…the weather….etc.

• It’s simple,  when you have insecure thinking….you feel insecure

• When you have anxious thinking….you feel anxiety

In a nutshell:

Emotional intelligence is understanding that you create your moment-to-moment feeling from how you are using your ability to think.

You’re wondering then, why does it feel so hard to control my emotions?

You’ve been led to believe emotions are bad….you have to control them….you have to watch your triggers…this couldn’t be further from the truth.

• Everyone is born with the ability for emotional intelligence

• It’s not about what you think….it’s that you have the power to think

• Freedom to think about anything anyway you want.

• The more you see that you naturally have it….you realize that you have a choice, in that moment…

Let’s look at some things emotionally intelligent people do:

#1 They don’t compare the person they are with to their ex spouses/partners

You already know your last relationships are over. It’s time to start fresh and new. You’ve learned from your past relationships.

What you want….what you don’t want.

You don’t want to compare…it’s useless….it fogs up your lenses with misperceptions.

The best you know to give the person you are with….your presence.

Being curious….getting to know them from an open mind.

#2 They don’t have one-way conversations talking all about themselves

How annoying was your last date? You just sat there and waited for them to come up for air.

You were thinking…..what about me? When do I get a chance to talk?

You already know being curious is your best tool to learn about someone….even if you’ve known them for awhile - see what interests they have….what do they like or dislike now? Tastes change.

A 2-way conversation builds trust, rapport and connection.

You can build on your relationship.

#3 They listen without judgment on their mind

You’re human….it’s human nature to judge people….everyone does.

But…you see the danger of continuing….judgment prevents you from listening.

Listening with judgmental thinking keeps your heart closed.

Walls go up….no connection…conversation falls flat.

You’ve been there, done that….listening without judgment now….

Opens the doors to a heart-to-heart connection….trust….feeling secure and confident.

Everyone has their opinions….their ideas about life….

You honor and respect that….people are all different.

Learning about someone beyond small talk to a deeper conversation is what you love to do.

#4 They never hit the send button, when they are not in a good state of mind.

It’s ok to write a scathing message because you felt offended.

How inconsiderate….blowing off steam is ok.

You're smart…you rely on your common sense to kick in.

You decide not to send the message.

It wasn’t about you anyway….who knows what they were feeling….anxiety….fear…insecur

#5 They know not to argue with someone who is upset.

Why argue….you won’t win anyway….been there done that…not worth it….you’re smart…

Deep down you know they can’t hear or listen to you in an upset state.

You'll say things you don’t mean.

You know when their mind settles….they’ll feel calmer and the situation will look and feel better.

You can reconnect on common ground.

It comes down to one thing…you already have it….emotional intelligence…it’s always there.

Why Emotional Intelligence Is So Valuable for Relationships

Emotional intelligence is….wisdom…common sense….intuition

You’ve already experienced the voice of wisdom when you….

Consider others’ feelings

Have greater patience with others

Give kindness

Are sensitive to the other person

Pick your battles in a heated interaction

Stop blaming others for how you feel

Forgive others

When you listen and follow your voice of wisdom….you bring out the best of you…while bringing out the best in others.