I Don’t Know You Well Enough to Lie to You: Part 2
We typically lie to avoid judgment or punishment and avoid leaving a bad impression. But, who are the people we most want to leave a good impression with? The people we are closest to, right?
So, does that mean that we tend to lie more to the people in our inner circle than we would to someone we hardly know?
Part 2:
What if there was never a good reason to lie to anyone, ever; beyond the fear of being struck by lightning or growing a nose the length of Pinocchio’s?
What if we were not afraid, to tell the truth, because we were not afraid to be vulnerable, knowing that everyone is pure spirit, housed within an imperfect body and brain that makes mistakes?
Never a good reason to lie — really?
Correct. In fact, the 3 Principles (Mind, Thought, and Consciousness) that create our personal reality, explains why truthfulness is a healthy choice. The Principles show us that we have the gift of free will, to use our ability to think in ways that are beneficial or hurtful. A wise choice is always possible.
This doesn’t mean that people who gain this understanding, speak whatever is on their mind at any given moment. No. They understand, when confronted with a difficult situation or conversation, that their personal mind (their conditioned mind, filled with everything they’ve learned to think, right or wrong, good or bad) will play tricks on them and lead them astray. They know not to trust everything they think. Just because we think something doesn’t make it true and accurate, nor healthy.
For example, I have a client who admitted she had “trust issues” from a previous relationship which she is bringing into her current relationship and she recognized that it’s damaging her current relationship which she does not want to do. As she began to see that her “trust issues” were really just her personal thoughts, from her past, looking real to her because of the Principle of Consciousness, she was able to gain a healthier perspective that allowed her to relax and enjoy her partner. What do you think that did for the relationship?
“Our personal mind, or what is sometimes referred to as the ego, galvanized with our consciousness, equals our reality in its entirety.”
What about when confronted with a difficult question or situation and you notice that you’re feeling out of sorts about it. You might simply say I really don’t have a good answer for you right now, I need some time to clear my head so I can respond properly. And then wait until both of you are in the right state of mind to talk about something that could be a little dicey.
Ah, but how dicey? What if someone is caught in an affair, you may think — does the accused need time to “think” about that too?
Armed with this understanding of how the mind works, we recognize when there’s something to talk about with our partner well before they get caught up in an affair!
Here are some other gifts brought to us from an understanding of the Principles:
1) They show us that everyone has an innately healthy core, underneath their personal thinking. This is not a belief, the Principles prove it.
2) They explain why the past no longer exists. The past is nothing more than tainted memories giving the impression that our past has an influence over us, other than the control we give it.
3) They explain why our personal thinking is the result of the POWER to think. What we think is not an accurate picture of reality, it is our personal reality only. The ability to think allows us to have all sorts of personal thoughts — some of these thoughts are positive and some are negative, none are REALITY however, they can only give us a personal reality and this is why no two realities are the same.
4) They also explain why the other person might misunderstand what was said, because they also filter information through THEIR thinking: Their personal experience of life, past or present, which includes their beliefs, what they learned in school, from movies, books, personal observation, and interpretation, etc.
This is why 3 Principles practitioners do their best to listen beyond their conditioned, personal thinking, with a clear mind, that is not contaminated with past experiences or judgment of the person or the situation: As close to a blank slate as possible.
But you don’t need to be a 3 Principles practitioner to realize what you already know at a deeper level, beyond what you think, at your innately healthy core)
““The brain is biological, the Mind is spiritual””
Going back to when we know each other well, and lie, or omit important information, out of fear of how the truth would be taken…
The 3 Principles explain that:
1) We can only TAKE OFFENSE to something said if we take it personally (personal thinking)
2) We can only feel HURT if we take what was said, personally (personal thinking)
3) We can only feel BOTHERED if we take something said or done as going against the grain of how we see things. It doesn’t get any more personal than that — no one else in the whole wide world will think what you think, all the time, since everyone lives in a separate reality…I like to call it a personal thought bubble.
What if we realized that whatever was said or done is never about us?
What if we knew that anything said or done is the result of the other person’s thinking?
And yes, even when the other person really IS thinking against us, as well as the times the other person is oblivious to how their words will land on us.
Okay, so what?
It’s still the thinking that is going on in that person’s mind at the time.
You may have drawn the conclusion that you should be blaming the lying SOB — but the truth is that there is no one to blame. We call it psychological innocence. We can’t SEE what we don’t see. Everyone does the best with how things are looking to them.
It’s the bad feeling that draws our attention to it since we know that we feel our own thinking. Knowing to use the feeling as a guide, will lead people to recover quicker. Resiliency is already built into us even when we don’t know anything about the workings of the mind since negative thoughts never last forever. It just takes longer to bounce back for someone who hasn’t seen how Mind, Thought, and Consciousness work yet.
We’re bound to feed the bad feelings with more negativity if we value our personal thinking over our deeper, wiser, MIND — forgetting that we have the capacity to look in the direction of wisdom, rather than what our conditioned thinking is feeding us.
“Listen for a positive Feeling”
Sydney Banks, The Missing Link, pg. 73
It was Syd’s talks and books that showed me the value of looking in the direction of Universal Mind rather than personal thinking. Though I’m a lifelong student with a gazillion opportunities to see something deeper, when I remember to look in the direction of the Principles, life occurrences are perfectly explained and it’s much easier to navigate through life’s situations and circumstances with greater ease.
After 30+ years of being a student of the Principles, it still blows me away how much more there is to SEE for all of us, not just me. Syd often said, ‘you’ll never come to the end of understanding the Principles.’ Thirty years ago, I didn’t know what he was talking about. Today I definitely agree with that statement, and it enriches my life tremendously whenever I uncover another blind spot. It’s not just enlightening, it’s actually enjoyable!
“We are disturbed not by things but by the view which we take of them”. ~ Epictetus
What if someone had a deep understanding of that quote as being true for everyone? Do you think they would take things differently and as a result, DO things differently?
I didn’t fully understand that quote when I ran across it years ago; it wasn’t until I began listening to and reading from Sydney Banks, that I understood what it really means, beyond sounding like a good idea.
What if you could gain an understanding of how we work at a deep enough level to tap into wisdom more often?
Do you think you might be able to see things differently; from a more conscious perspective that would assist you in your encounters throughout life?
“The personal mind is the creator of all misery, all expectations, all ideas, and all false deities.”
What if an understanding of how the mind works could help you feel so comfortable with your partner, whether romantic, business, relative, or friend, that you knew you could say absolutely anything, and it could bring you closer with a shared understanding, as opposed to divided over a misunderstanding? I will wager a bet with you that some degree of misunderstanding is always behind annoyance, bother, or anger, on one or both parts. Check it out in your own life, don’t take my word for it.
There is a wonderful opportunity for you to learn too.
Check it out: https://www.3principlestherapy.com/mysteryschool
In addition to Mystery School as a way of gaining this understanding for yourself, you can subscribe to my YouTube channel where you will get notifications of other 3 Principles projects.
Please share this story with anyone you feel it can benefit.
Lori Carpenos, LMFT is a marriage and family therapist with a global online practice, based in West Hartford, Connecticut, USA. She has been passionate about sharing the three Principles that explain many life mysteries, and all psychological experiences, as articulated by Sydney Banks, through writing, counseling, mentoring, and facilitating “Mystery School”, a six-week online course to study the teachings of Sydney Banks, with the help of a community of other students. Lori is the co-author of “The Secret of Love, Unlock the Mystery, Unleash the Magic”, with Christine Heath; “Healthy Thinking, Feeling, Doing From the Inside-out,” with Jack Pransky; and the author of “It’s an Inside-out World”
Lori also offers a variety of 3 Principles retreats in the Dominican Republic.
